My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
