i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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