Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
