Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
