i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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