True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
