I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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