i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
is that a dick in a sweater?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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