he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
His nipple licking is glorious
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