i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
