I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
