I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
