They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
two words: eviction party
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
