My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
