My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
