Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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