Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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