do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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