By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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