I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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