Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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