does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
