The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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