it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
