dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
