i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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