Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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