Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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