Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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