life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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