I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
