we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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