you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
