is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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