NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
