then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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