that's an acceptable place to lick
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
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I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Who died my cat blue again?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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