Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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