They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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