Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
