All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
