dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
