He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I touched a dick in church today
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
