yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
