I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
