Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
