I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
