I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
