I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
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I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
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I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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