Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
