Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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