I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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