she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
