Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
