Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
