OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
