Can i not drive my cunt home
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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