I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
