dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
