you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
