If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
