Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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