im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
