Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
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i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
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She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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