Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
