I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
