You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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